Pinkster Gin Reviewed by Honest Tom
I think that we can all agree that pink stuff is shit: Pinky & Perky; pink peppercorn; London based businessmen wearing pink shirts who like to test just how loud their voices are capable of going in pubs post 5 pm. All of these are tantamount to crimes against humanity. Another pink thing that I despise is Rosé. Who is it for!? Rosé ruins white wine and pussies out by not even making a red. And thus concludes my review of Pinkster Gin. In fairness, it is not just Pinkster that I despise, that would be too niche for a broad spectrum cynic like myself. I will stick my neck out and say that I hate all flavoured gins. My issue with Pinkster, as with all flavoured gins, is that they are not really gins, more flavoured vodkas. Flavoured gin distillers go through the hassle of making such an intricately crafted spirit just to fuck it up by dumping a fuck tonne of fruit and sugar in it and making the whole thing unrecognisable in order to capture a market that doesn’t like gin.
Pinkster is the “Agreeably British Gin”. I should point out that Pinkster have used the lesser known definition of “British” synonymous with the term: “Fucking-shit”. Remember what Britain was like when it was ridden with the impasse with strikes, inflation and Double Diamond Lager? It was fucking shit. Well, this is the best example of how Pinkster is “Agreeably British”. Pinkster starts life as a “proper” gin with 5 whole botanicals. I mean, WOW, don’t push the boat out guys. But then again, what the fuck does it matter because once the “proper” gin has been made a shit tonne of raspberries and sugar are macerated in the spirit to make the whole thing effectively an alcoholic base for an alcopop. The end result is that the gin tastes of nothing other than raspberries, like a cheap and volatile Robinsons fruit squash. You can add as much tonic as you like because it has already “agreeably” ruined itself by existing. Flavoured gin and mixer is the new Port & Lemonade and it sucks serious balls. There is no excuse for drinking it unless you are a teenage girl and anybody that does should be “agreeably” ashamed of themselves.
Pinkster is dreadful and its X Factor style sob story is ridiculous, but all in all it could be worse
I kid. Pinkster is dreadful and its X-Factor style sob story is ridiculous, but all in all, it could be worse. Have you tried the Tiptree Wilkin & Sons fruit flavour gins? They made me want to apologise to the petrol that I got in my mouth the time that I tried to syphon a quarter of a tank’s worth of fuel from my shitty old Peugeot 106 after the engine blew up at low speed. Pinkster is a nasty incarnation of a spirit that loathes its original source material. It is “agreeably” horrid but I am aware that I am not the intended market. However, if you are dead set on buying these flavoured monstrosities then I implore you to purchase Bullards Strawberry and Black Pepper Norwich Gin. It is more complex, cheaper and the backstory is as follows: 2 men tried to make a flavoured gin. Take that Stephen (founder of Pinkster Gin)!
You can buy Pinkster Gin at DrinkSupermarket.com or on Amazon.